Who do you consider your first love?
For years I would have said my first love was the serious boyfriend from high school. Later, I would have said it was my previous husband of 19 years. Now, after living through a season of being alone prior to getting married last year, my first love is Jesus Christ. It took me loosing myself and hitting rock bottom to come to Him and except His love for me. Through this “awakening”, I saw Him as my first love and I started seeking Him for my identity, significance, acceptance, self-worth and value. I wasted so many years searching for that love that only He gives.
Who do you think loved you first?
He loved me before He knitted me together in my mother’s womb. He loved me when I was a scared little girl, He loved me through jr. high and high school and reckless years at college, He loved me through great sadness, He loved me through failed parenting, and most dramatically, He loved me through divorce and the breaking up of my family. He has always loved me and He has always been there for me. It took me 43 years to come to know Him and once I did I have not looked back at that love seeking woman I was. When I was ready to love another, I knew that He had to be first in my life always. One of my vows to Calvin was …”to spend individual time with Jesus daily, so I would have a full cup”… to overflow out on to him everyday. I also vowed to run after Jesus with Calvin so we would grow closer to Him and our triangle would get smaller.
Do you love yourself?
This concept also took me 43 years to grasps a full understanding. During my “rebuilding” and “recovery” with my “first love”, I read Matthew 22:37-39 which says, “Love your Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it; “Love your neighbor as yourself”. This became some of my life verses! What stood out at first was “as yourself”. What did it mean? That part of the verse intrigued me and I started focusing on those two words. I always thought women who loved themselves were selfish and self-centered and I felt sorry for their husbands and children. But there I sat alone, divorced, and no kids with me. I eventually came to the conclusion that I had it all wrong. Not loving myself was not loving my neighbor. And my first neighbor was my husband and my second neighbor were my children. I wasted a lot of years being bitter, resentful, and tired of trying to be perfect while living with unrealistic high expectations of my family. And, finally I know only my “true love” can love me and fill my God-shaped hole in my heart.